Heike, don't ever apologize for allowing your frustration show. We have all been there. We know what it feels like when we seem to be losing control over the situation. Caregiving is hard, hard work.

Do you have a hobby that can focus your mind and fill in those moments when you are waiting in the hospital, or when your husband is asleep and you get a few minutes to yourself? I knit -- mostly socks because they are easy to carry. Even now, when I go with John for his infusions of the trial medication, I always have a pair of socks that I am knitting with me. By the way, I have found that knitting is a very good conversation starter. Every time I pull out my knitting, the ladies in the waiting room will come and talk to me. One gentleman too, one time asked me in the elevator, "You are the lady who knits socks, right?" and then he proceeded to tell his wife how amazing it was that I was making socks with only four needles. She wasn't pleased because she said,"I did that too." Apparently he never noticed, ha!!