Thanks. You are not rambling at all. Just the fact that you are writing is helpful to me. Even though I know or do some of the stuff you mention it's useful to be reminded.

Physical activity used to be great for me before Dx. Right now, I get sick (cold/flu like symptoms) and exhausted even if I work out lightly. That's one of the things that's pissing me off massively as I cannot do what I used to do, I am much weaker and lost muscle mass.

That's especially true about night. I get a lot more anxious when I am up late alone at night. Some of these people are in other time zones so that helps.

Yesterday, I was a complete mess. I am better today. I took double dose of Lexapro 40mg (antidepressant SSRI) and 2mg of Ativan and watched TV for distraction. I also take Modafinil which is a stimulant. I do take all kinds of supplements like B50 complex.

sometimes I try to talk to my mother but she is also depressed and sick so sometimes I can help her and at other times she brings me down with her.

[quote=darkeyedlady0]I agree talking to a friend is great if you have one that can listen. I know that here in Canada we have and it is quite new I think but there is a number to call to connect and talk to people in the same situations and it runs 24/7. Night time is usually the worst time if someone is depressed nothing to do nowhere to go and can't sleep. Go figure by the time you get tired enough the sun is coming up.

Talking to your friend is a good idea. But honestly it takes a lot to do and I am working on it myself is physical activity. It emits endorphines and lowers anxiety. Also a tip I learned is that when a person is anxious or depressed Vitamin B12 can help control depressiion I am not sure how it works but it does...If any of these ideas helps that great and if not you may need to take some antidepresants. Alot of people going through this experience are on them and it is not permanent but it can help...
One other piece of information I was given and it helped me and again the "queen of anxious" was to concentrate one day at a time and even better one moment at a time. For the moment this moment I am ok and when you start to get worked self talk yourself. It connects into a whole line of meditating and self talk. There are many varieties of it. Mine was to be totally aware of my surroundings start off with 10 things I can hear right now and feel right now. Then nine things I can see right now hear right now feel right now. You get the idea and do this all while focusing on a rock or an object (necklace, stuffed animal whatever). The more you work on this technique as soon as you pick up the object you will automatically feel safe and calm. It worked for me I have a necklace I used with an amathyst crystal.

Anyway sorry to have rambled I know how you feel and want to help you get through this. You can and will. One step at a time!!! Lean on whoever is willing to let you!!! [/quote]