Rob and i always had a fairly confrontational relationship,and Rob always used to save his best barbs for when he had a few drinks,it was almost like he needed the alcohol to give him the neccessary degree of venom to hurt the most.
From the day he was diagnosed with cancer,the confrontations ceased and a much more subtle method of verbal abuse replaced it.I recognised this shift quite early on, and decided there and then that i wouldnt under any circumstances give him the satisfaction of
a) seeing how hurt and upset i was,
b) Not retaliating.
I hoped that by doing this he would give it up as a bad job,and so an uneasy truce reigned, and i tried to put all my efforts into showing him i loved him and would do anything he needed to help him fight his way back to full health.I used all the words that Nelie quoted but mostly i kept my silence and just removed myself from the situation.This worked because i refused to fuel the fire, and the flames quickly died down. So Shar my advice for what it is worth is dont flare up when he doesnt behave in the way you want him too,dont give him any room to instigate a fight,and he will soon get bored when he doesnt get a reaction.It will also make him look at you more closely and try and work out what is going on.