Thank you Ana, Anne Marie, and Emily! Your words are so heartfelt and appreciated. It really does help to know I'm not alone. Because losing my mom has made me feel a bit like an orphan, if that makes any sense. I know I'm an adult and have been for some time, but your mom will always take care of you in any way possible, even just with the smallest gesture as we need them less and less as we get older. My mom always would buy extras at the supermarket if something was on sale and give it to me on my Sunday visits, or if my favorite gum was on sale she'd pick up a couple of packs. The little things like that that always made me feel looked after. Last fall right before she went in for her surgery, she even bought my snow boots for the winter because I didn't have any good ones and living in the city walking to and from work I had a mess of a winter the year before. She was afraid she wasn't going to make it through her 10 hour surgery so she bought them in September to make sure I would be taken care of in her absence. She devoted her life to being a mom and was the best possible mother I could ever imagine having. I miss her so darn much, it creates a lump in my throat just as I write this.

I talked to my dad yesterday... he texted me in the AM to see how I was doing. Turns out Mondays are hard days for him, neither of us are sure why but I felt better knowing I wasn't the only one still struggling. Ann Marie, you said it right in your post, the sentiment was right in his message it was just misconstrued. I think I am hypersensitive to the fact that there has always been some lack of support from my father and sister throughout the entire illness with my mom so I just expect it to be that way now too. I know he is trying and I appreciate it. It's just hard because my mom was my counterpart in the family and w/ her being gone, there is nobody quite like me/her to share this grief with. At least not in the way that she and I would have shared it. If that makes any sense.

Ana, thanks for sharing your story and for the suggestions on how to honor and celebrate my mom. I love that you had two birds soaring alongside you on your first solo flight, I think that is a true sign that your mom and brother were with you. I am hoping some day I will have a similar story to tell.

Emily, I'm sorry about your mom too. We definitely had a similar relationship. Were you pregnant with your first child when she passed? That must have been so hard I'm not married and don't have any children yet myself and that has been one of the hardest things to accept... that she will never be there to help me like she was able to w/ my sister, and that she won't be my children's grandmother