Hi Aimlee, firstly, I'm really sorry for your loss. I was the last to feed my hubbys dad who passed 4 years ago of pancreatic cancer. I constantly feel him around us and feel he is looking after us. I'm sure he won't let my husband join him for a long time to come. I don't know how I would react at my husbands death if it was a recurrance of oral cancer. I always think I will go too because I couldn't stand him not being around me. Sounds silly, but when my cat of 18 years was put to sleep, I had him cremated, and his ashes and a pic are right in front of me while I write this. I find it comforting, and talk to him all the time. I know my cat isn't the same as your mum, but there are things that can make you feel better - butterflies are a sign....take some comfort in that....Bless you hon, and hope your grieving time passes easily & gently. I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say. I still grieve for my cat, if it was my mum, well....don't know. You sure do sound stronger than me! Lots of love xxxx