Sal I know exactly where you are. I've been there and I can tell you it does get better. I won't lie, there are tough days. Many of them worse luck but you do have the strength to get through them. Just take it one day, one step at a time. Deal with what you have to as you have to. It does help. Being a caregiver is a tough job. You need to have someone to talk to so come here as much as you need to and vent. I did. I kept a blog and vented there also. Without these guys here I would have never coped as well as I did. So please come here and vent as much as you need to because we all understand. We have all been where you are.

As for eating in front of your husband I do feel for you. I'm pretty fortunate in one way (and the only way) in that Steve isn't a big eater and never has been. Food is a thing he has to do so my eating in front of him was never an issue for him. But I do remember feeling bad about it at times. Most of the time I lived on tv dinners and often ate after he was asleep. They didn't look overly appetizing to steve but were still nutrionally sufficent and tasted ok enough for me to keep me going. You have to eat. If you don't eat you get sick and then where is your husband going to be. Steve needed me to be well and able to be there. If I got sick and didn't eat then how could I be there for him. I wish I could be more help here. Sorry to say I can't though.

If you need to cry then do it. I did and it helped. I would go elsewhere and I would cry my heart out. Stress relief. If you can go do something nice, just for you. Even if it's taking just 10 mins to sit in a quiet spot with a cup of tea or coffee and just breathe. I know for me as a care-giver I felt (and often still feel) like I was continually holding my breath. So take some time to breath. Remember Sal we are all here, anytime. We are all over the world so anytime you need some one to vent to or advise there is always someone here who can help. Keep us posted on how you are please and don't forget we are here for you. It's a tough job being a caregiver. The hardest job I've ever had.

Wendy xx