Hi Wendy.

I just lost my mom on 5/4/11. I was mom's primary CG, I was the one who most often heard the comments/suggestions/concerns.... it really was unnerving. I was also witness to the way people interacted around her; not only strangers but friends...friends who thought their advice needed to be shared/heard. My mom was paralyzed with fear at times after talking to a well meaning person. I used to just about break my neck, hurling my body over dogs, cat, people to answer the phone before mom did. Looking back, I was unbelieveable at times; I wouldn't allow certain people over for a visit, and if they called too many times, I would block their calls. These people would tell my mom horror stories, what to watch out for, assess her 'healing', gasp when she would have to clear her trach, you get the picture. It reached the point where after all that fight to live, mom was afraid to live. I began to resent people more than I care to admit. Finally, one day mom and I talked and she told me that she was afraid. I reminded her of all that she had already accomplished, she owned her own life, it was hers to live as she pleased. She perked up some after that, but the pain was always present. My mom kind of morphed into independence along the way. Once she finally took back her life, she started going out more, began to be a bit more social, more like herself. She was enjoying herself. Tell those well-meaning folks to clam up, when you need advice, you'll gladly think of them (yeah right). You are so right, he has earned the right, so have you! Enjoy life!