Jeanna, does Rod have any interest that keeps his mind and even his hands occupied of a day. I know this may seem an odd question but if he has nothing to keep his mind off bad things then that's not going to help. As crazy as this sounds I think the fact that Steve plays computer games gives him something to do. He, like Rod did a very physical "man's" job. He doesn't work now but is hoping to once we return home, even if just part time. But in the mean time he plays computer games. If the weather is good he gets outside in the yard but when it's crappy (which is all the time lately) he puts his mind to his games. It's a hobby but I truly believe it's help give him something other than cancer to focus on. We go for walks too which I find for me helps immensely. If we were to sit all day with nothing to do but sit and think about cancer then both Steve and I would go downhill. That's also why I study from home. It gives me something positive to focus on.

Plus in my mind I have to stay upbeat. Steve and I are best mates. If I lose it, then it will effect him and that is the last thing I want to happen. So if I remain upbeat and positive then so does he. Some days it's not easy to do but I still do it. The last thing I want is for him to have a wife that is sad all the time. I know Steve and he would blame himself for me being sad. I can't do that to him, he has enough to deal with already without taking on my sadness.

Is there anything Rod or you would like to study while you are at home. The universities in Australia are crying out for mature aged students and you can study from home at your own pace. It's something to look into, something to put your minds too. Just anything at all. There must be something that makes Rod smile. Just need to find it and then lead him to it. You will both get there. You must stay positive. You have been to hell and back and you are both here. That takes an amazing amount of strength. Look at what you guys have achieved, not at what you have lost. We have all lost things because of this but we are still here so that's what's important. Even volunteer work for Rod might be good. Something to build his confidence and self worth back up a bit. Don't know if any of these idea's help but worth thinking about.

Life is short and we just have to grab it. I don't want to look back at this time and think there was no happiness in it. Yeah it's been crap in many ways but also there have been some amazingly happy days while we've been battling cancer. Happy days that maybe once I wouldn't have even taken the time to notice. But there's fear there too, especially about our move. I'm moving away from my support network (as little as it is) and a long way away too. Not just up the road. But we just can't live our life being ruled by all the things that could go wrong. What if nothing goes wrong and we sat in a place we weren't happy and missed out on everything. Just got to grab the chance while we can and make the most of it, wishing, praying and hoping that the final outcome will be happiness.

Hope this helps Jeans xo