Hey lizzy - I know the feeling of being nervous and upset. I was a basket case when I first found out - and the weeks between my CT and MRI and then ultimately meeting my dr. were filled with what ifs... No one wants to face their own mortality. Once the surgery was booked and I had a date to focus on - I left most of the worry behind. For me having something concrete to plan for, helps immensely - though I must admit I would have preferred the surgery sooner. Not to say that I didn't have my moments of panic - a lump in my neck I discovered was one of those moments - (it was the one affected lymph node - I now know that ) I had a few days of freak out panic because I knew it was spreading. But it and 39 of it's friends are all gone - along with the tumor - so I'm feeling more optimistic. Definitely not looking forward to my rads and chemo but
I'm glad it's happening I guess. I met with my RO yesterday and everything has been set in motion. I have an appointment Friday for teaching, and fitting for my mask. I have another appointment Monday for something else - and a CT next Friday to check out my nodes - the RO is considering doing radiation bilaterally as a preventative measure. A little leery about that but if it's recommended I will go with it. I also have to see their in house dentist and have a second CT so they can target where they want to place the rads. I'm told likely 2 -3 weeks to start date? You said you are seeing your RO in three weeks? I would see if they can move it up - it may help with the anxiousness. Sometimes doing something about the situation helps.
I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy. I know it's terrifying - but try to focus on other things. I met a woman in the hospital - she was one of the three roomies I had over my ten days - she recommended a healer to me - I called her when I got home and set up a session and it really helped me emotionally. I'm not overly religious - but I do believe in god - and medicine - so I figured it could not hurt - we worked together for an hour and after that I've felt way better. Maybe there is someone or something in your life that can help in a similar way - not necessarily a healer - but someone you can truly talk to - they can't alway give you advice but sometimes it really helps to have someone listen.
No to say that this forum isn't an amazing place - because it is - but sometimes it's nice just to have someone listen to you...

Not sure if I helped at all but take care - let me know when you are going to start chemo and radiation - it sounds like it will be close to my dates. Blessings and good thoughts to you.