Suez, I could not ignore this post as what you are doing can be very dangerous and even fatal. While I realize that drugging your husband may be helping you to cope, it is absolutely wrong to drug someone without their knowledge, let alone perhaps jeopardizing their life.

Both Xanax and alcohol are central nervous system depressants and have a synergystic effect. This combination while it calms some folks can also cause very violent outbursts. Additionally, since your husband is so thin and undernourished, only a pharmacist or MD could determine a safe dose (if there is one).

I normally do not react so strongly on these forums but I feel very strongly about what you are doing (which is also illegal unless those Xanax are prescribed for him).

If you can't handle the situation, and/or are unable or unwilling to go to Al-anon, then maybe you should look into a separation. Just be sure that you are mentally, physically, and legally prepared to deal with the consequences.

Dodie