I have noticed nobody has had any complaints or issues for a while being a caregiver, or they are just coping with it by themselves. I read an old post from Elianne was it? I am going thru the same thing, BUT I noticed her husband(? bad memory today I guess if that's wrong but I am at work multitasking!) was a non smoker/non drinker, my boyfriend is both and very abusive in doing so. I'm at my wits end. I am ready to throw in the towel and give up on "us" and let him go on his life by himself. He is not eating, he is drinking and smoking and believe me I have done and said all that I can and for my own health and wellbeing, I think I have to let him go after 13 yrs. It's not that I'm afraid of the cancer or what can happen, it's that he don't care about himself let alone me, the one who has loved him for the past 13 yrs or even my kids who he has been more of a father to than their own dad. I can't live watching him sit downstairs in front of the TV with his beer and cigarettes as his lifeline. He won't eat regularly or some days at all, or drink any boost or anything either and he lies to his family that he does 4 a day. HAH! Liar! I bought a 12 pack of Boost the 24th of Oct and he still has 7 left! He still has the same amount of cans from his feeding tube he used to drink before alcohol came back into his life bad again. I ask him did you eat he used to lie to me and now he says No. He may, may eat 1 time a soup or something but 1 time in like a couple days. How does he survive? He went to the oncologist for his 6 mo checkup for his Non Hodgkins, he said he got his flu shot and I asked him how much he weighs and he said the same and I asked him again and he said the same and finally he told me 125 I'm like that's NOT the same he weighed 131 last month he is not even maintaining his wt at all! He's 6'1" he's a skeleton, he has written himself his death sentence and there hasn't been one even given to him! So I told him yesterday he has to leave my house, I can't watch him do what he is doing to himself and watch him die. So I came home from work and he was downstairs as usual smoking and drinking and watching TV. I went out with my daughter for our usual BW3 Wing night when I came home he was in bed looking all somber, I asked him if he wanted something to eat he agreed to some soup but the soup he wanted was Campbells EXTRA Noodle chicken soup, and he did not want it pureed. He tried, he couldn't he drank what little broth(he said don't put alot of water in it half a can which I did) and he sat there. I asked him if maybe he wanted some yogurt our something, he shrugged his shoulders. Next thing he got up said I'm getting a beer. 1030PM...I went to bed. So I wrote on the fridge on our posting board he needs to eat 3 times a day at least and not til AFTER 5pm the beer. I put ALL the food items he has eaten in the past on the sink by his medication. I put you will get better and start eating and taking care of yourself OR you may leave. Your choice. The writings on the fridge.