Donna honey, I relate to every single feeling you expressed in your post.........every feeling from both sides. I remember my first operation and radiation. My second daughter dropped out of college in Maine to come home and help and she is STILL trying to finish up her humanitarian degree since most of her Maine credits wouldn't transfer here. I became another personality from about the middle of radiation for quite a few months after that. I became sharper of tongue, wasn't as gentle a person as I usually am, and would have little breakdowns that simply were not fair to my girls. BUT, that is the process of this disease and it took me awhile to figure it out. After my radiation, I remember sitting on the couch with Amy (my second oldest and designated caregiver)and sobbing, holding a picture of all of them and asking what will I do if treatment didn't work and I die? What an awful moment that must have been for her and I regret it. But, again, that's the process of the disease. If your a family, then every family memeber will be hurt in their own way. My 11 year old that summer never left the house, waited for me to get home from radiation and then followed me around. I used to wake up from a nap with her laying beside me, holding my hand. Our kids become such vulnerable victims of our cancer.

This time around, I did it differently. I could see the same pattern setting in. Amy feeling she had to take on all the medical issues, while trying to carry a full course load, Megan being "mom" and filling in for me, and Skylar wanting to follow me around again. I could see everyone putting their lives on hold. I put a stop to it quickly and it really helped.

Keep in mind, though, that your mom hasn't had the experience I've had with this disease and what it can do to our children. I've been where she is and I KNOW I irritated my girls in more than one way. Difference for them is that there are seven of them to play tag team!! You don't seem to have that benefit.

Take my advice Donna and start slowly stepping back from your mom and allow your dad to step in. If he is more active in her care, I bet he'll feel happier himself. Tend to your family, especially at this time of year. I can PROMISE you that if your mother was "herself" right now, which she isn't , that she would be giving you the same advice.

Much love,
Minnie