I don't contribute much as far as writing goes, but I'm still reading almost three years after my Aunt Rosemary was diagnosed with stage 3/4 base of the tongue, floor of mouth, saliva gland with mets to her lymph nodes. I have always shared the same fervent belief as all of you good people do and that's fight, fight, fight BUT after her first surgery, when they wanted to do radiation and she wouldn't hear of it, I learned quite a new and shocking lesson from my Uncle Bobby. The lesson was quite simply this- it's her life and it's her decision. I kept asking her if she understood the possible consequences of this decision and she said yes. To be truthful, it took me probably six months to be able to adjust to this new point of view. I thought that as long as they followed her religiously, as long as she went for her scans etc., we'd know what was going on. Now we're into an even more serious aspect of her decisions. As of six months ago, she won't go for any more tests, any more CTs, PETs etc. She told me she's had it. She's been uncomfortable with her new tongue since day 1. She can't stand the abundance of saliva, the changes that have happened as a result of scar tissue, the fact that she can't eat most of the time and sometimes can't talk. She'll be going for her thrid reconstructive surgery next Monday. The only thing she wants, is to be kept comfortable. Hopefully they'll free the adhesions from the flap that was added to the original flap and she'll be able to talk again without a lot of pain.

I live with her decision every day. Trust me, it's hard because we all know that eventually, this is going to do her in with no post-surgical treatment and no follow-up, but, I have to respect her decision. I follow my Uncle's lead. He stands behind her all the way as far as her choices go. It kills me to not say anything to her, but I have to respect her feelings. This is truly one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.........

The only thing I can say, is love him. Love him with all your heart.

Lisa