Just playing the devil's advocate here, (because there came a time when I was that devil) it is also very difficult for the caregiver who desperately loves the patient and is in a quandary as to what to do - especially when her survivor refuses to take in nourishment or hydration, not able to clearly remember when his meds are due and taking some meds more often than prescribed - and she/he sees him wasting away and in some cases an emergency trip to the hospital becomes necessary. I doubt that in some situations, the patient really knows best. And who is to decide who knows best? For each of us it is a different situation and as a wise lady told me a long time ago from this forum - sometimes you just have to put your nurse from Hell hat on and do what you have to do. At one point in his Tx my son was refusing to eat or drink, and sinking deeper into depression. I finally got my courage up and told him that if he could not start taking something in, then I would call my daughter (a police officer with a gun) to come help me push him into the car and take him to the hospital to have a feeding tube put in him and he knew I would have done it, because I had the phone very handy. For him, that did it. He started eating and drinking again. Some people call this "tough love". Whatever it is, later when I was on the way home, I cried buckets in the car and almost had to pull over I felt so badly for yelling at my son who was suffering so.

Another point I think is important to make is that there has to be a method of recording meds, as well as everything that goes in or comes out of the patient. I made two copies, one for me and one for Paul and I suggested he could record everything so we would both know whether he was on schedule with the meds. We did get to a point where the doctor would not renew the pain meds any more and Paul took to overloading on Ibuprofen. When I saw how much he was taking I called the doctor and was told he was taking way over the daily limit that was safe, otherwise it could damage his liver. I had to hide the Ibuprofen in my car and only give him small daily amounts in the ibuprofen bottle. As a caregiver, what works for one may not work for another. Being a caregiver is a learn-on-the-job activity. You try different things until something works.