Hi there iceman - please don't give up there are several people here who've had the same surgery and fallout from treatment that you've had - Eric, Christine are just two of them - they're amazing advocates for OC and their spirit is tireless. We live in a twisted society where looks seem all important but there are people who can see beyond that. Giving up before trying will get you nowhere. Start by finding something you enjoy - cycling - drawing - fishing etc... Join a group... You will meet like minded people - and I'm sure that showing them who you are - will draw them to you. Plus do talk to a professional about your feelings. Hugs we're here...