Iceman - I am so sorry for what you are going through. You CANNOT give up. I have not been where you are, but my son has, and even before he ever heard of Oral Cancer. He was just 32 and hospitalized for suicidal depression because of something that occurred when he was a child and which had just surfaced as a recovered memory. I know there are others here with similar experiences to yours. Have you talked to your doctor about this? Are you on any medications? - Some meds for depression actually cause suicidal thoughts. Who are the people close to you - family, friends? I HATE what happened to you, and to my son and to everyone here touched by oral cancer. That feeling can be turned around into a FIGHT mode. It cannot be done all at once. Fighting your way out of that dark hole can only be done in small steps. But things can and do get better. I've seen my son come out of that dark hole of depression and then the cancer, divorce and so I know it is very possible. Hang in there and let us know a little more about you and your life. You CAN do it!!