Hi Suez

I am going to go against some of the advice above and suggest that it is time Ron got his act together. I have a very low tolerance for abuse and find your situation quite disturbing.

The most extreme trauma that I can think of that causes reasonable human beings to do uncharacteristic and unspeakable things to other human beings is that of a soldier in hand to hand combat at war. Even they are held accountable for their actions as Ron should be. Assuming he is neither hallucinating nor mentally incompentent, his behaviour is unacceptable no matter what fear and stress he is under and it is not fair for you to be wearing the consequences.

With the last point in mind, is it possible that some of this particularly ugly behaviour is brought on by his painkillers? Have you considered severe depression that needs treatment, or alcohol withdrawal syndrome (I know he is still using alcohol but maybe not as much as he needs to keep his levels up)? And maybe removal of offending drugs or appropriate treatment of underlying issues may bring the old Ron back?

If not, getting out of the situation in order to save yourself, either temporarily or permanently may be an option.

If Ron were well, nobody would even question the need to remove yourself from the situation you are describing. There is no excuse for abuse, alcoholism and oral cancer included.

Now it may be that you are having a tough day and just venting in which case tomorrow will be a better day and you will come quickly to Ron's defence when you read this. No matter what choices you make, you have my support.

Karen