You are probably not going to want to hear this but enough is enough. Karen is right, Ron's behavior is abuse and you don't deserve it. You need to take care of you. YOU CAN'T CURE him. He has obviously given up and I'm sorry but why exactly did he bother having the surgery if he wasn't willing to do anything and everything to help himself? That most definitely includes no smoking or consuming alcohol. I'm sure the painkillers mixed with the alcohol are contributing to his rage but he has no right to take it out on you.

My mother died a very painful death from pancreatic cancer at home which she battled for 3 1/2 years. She NEVER once lashed out at any of us. She was never mean or cruel to anyone and you don't deserve to be treated the way he treats you.

Life is to short and YOU DESERVE BETTER! (Hugs)

Wanda (47) caregiver to husband John (56) age at diag.(2009)
1-13-09 diagnosed Stage IV BOT SCC (HPV+)
2-12-09 PEG placed, 7-6-09 removed
Cisplatin 7 weeks, 7 weeks (35) IMRT
4-15-09 - treatment completed
8-09,12-09-CT Scans clear, 4-10,6-11-PET Scans clear
4-2013 - HBO (30 dives) tooth extraction
10-2019 - tooth extraction, HBO (10 dives)
11-2019 - Left lateral tongue SCC - Stage 2