You are allowed to cry, but your face is far too important to Ron that it be smiling. Force a smile everyday. Focus on your blessings - I know there are many, just hard to see right now. I acknowledge that it is just as hard if not harder for the CG because you have to hold everything together....but only in front of Ron. Go off with friends, cry on someone else's shoulder. He needs you to smile. Reach out to your friends to help you get through this.