Well im officially two weeks out of Radiation and i went to the doctor today, and she told me i "looked" great! What does that mean? Ok, i do feel alot better, i have energy and my skin, well put it this way, all the evidence of Rad. is almost gone! And i really am starting to feel great, 85% back to normal, But the big question is, why am i so scared to eat or drink, is this tube my crutch now? I cant figure out if im scared of the food tasting bad like it did, or that im scared of the whole idea of just eating, like its going to hurt my throat? I think i have a mental block here, and hell i cant believe its over food...im the one that cant wait to crunch and the one that is sooooooo jealous of seeing people eat!!! I REALLY WANT TO EAT!!! But im really scared to...i did a brave thing and did my first taste test yesterday on the way home, i stopped and got a "orange slush" from Sonic, ( let me say, i hate orange slushes ) but i didnt want to try something i liked just in case it tasted bad or i couldnt taste at all! Well i am glad to report...it tasted ok, YES I COULD TASTE THE FLAVOR i really and truely could!!! Then i went as far as tasting my daughters "raspberry tea" ( which that is something i would have drank before all of this ) and guess what? IT WAS BITTER AND I HATED IT!!! So, does this mean, everything i use to like i wont now? And everything i didnt like, i will now? THIS IS WHY IM SCARED TO DEATH TO EAT!!! I have been dreaming of Outback Steak House and Olive Garden and Mexican Food ( TexMex ) I dont want to ruin those dreams, haha, i swear sometimes i can taste them, if i think hard enough about them! The Cheeseburger story the other day, ummm... i think it was DavidCPA, i laughed until i cried, that was the most funniest thing i have heard, we put so much value on food, dont we? I found myself telling my husband the story and got tickled again, and he just looked at me like i had to much radiation or something, he didnt find it funny at all, but then i realized why would he, he eats, nothing has changed his taste, people that do go through this, they have no idea the every day things as common as eating or drinking we all take for granted...Well, not no more, not this woman, im going to thank god every night for the ability to eat and drink when i can! Haha, people told me, when i found out i had cancer, that it would change my life forever...it does do that, and it does change it for the best, it makes you stop and smell the roses!!! Well, until next week, my goal this coming week is to "EAT" and "DRINK" so i will let ya'll know how it all went, I CAN DO THIS!!!