Bonnie,

Your daughter and I are roughly the same age. I was 40 when I had my first of 2 surgeries followed by unexpected radiation treatment. I was 180 pounds going into it and was 135 pounds 4 weeks after radiation. It will get better. It was just to painful to eat and I had no desire to do so.

I am now (2 years later) a "Too Fat" 185 pounds and actually miss the days I could wear the jeans I had in High School. :-)

The pain will subside and things will get better.

I would offer this advise as well:

I did not want my wife to consider herself a "Fulltime Care Giver". I would not use that term around your daughter. It would have absolutely infuriated me. I know that you mean well and take this as advice from someone that's been through something similar. Your daughter had cancer surgery not brain surgery. She needs to get back to her own routine and doesn't need you making decisions for her. She needs to be in charge of her condition and situation. You are there to help and not to take over. She needs to feel empowered to deal with the things that she normally dealt with before. Let (or require) her to make the same decisions without interference or even suggestions from you. You'd both be better served if instead of making decisions for her, you force her to do it.

I don't mean to sound brutal. I know from experience that it's easy to feel helpless and have the "Why me" attitude. I know this because it was me not long ago. It took a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in years to tell me I was a "Whiny quitter". He went on to tell my wife that she was feeding my "poor me" attitude and to stop being my maid and start being my wife. I was furious, but he was right and that made me get off my tail and start living again.

I'm not trying to be negative. I know that you have nothing but the best intentions.

God Bless,
Rob Trainor