Hey Barbara,

Don't worry about the hovering thing, we all did that it's part of caregiver syndrome. The important thing is to remember to back away from that when he starts to feel better, but for now it's needed. David is SO right to point out what a critical role you are playing, don't sell yourself short. After this is all over you'll be leaning on Michael again but now you're both doing what is needed to get through this.

I remember that it was hard for me to think about things like going back to work at this stage, you have to concentrate on getting through the treatments. Most of us go back because we have to, we still need an income and health insurance to pay those bills that don't care about the cancer we're dealing with. I was on FML for 7 weeks and when I did go back I organized our friends - and anyone who looked remotely interested - to help transport Jack to and from daily radiation treatments and the physical therapy, speech therapy, oncology dentist appointments and that was a BIG help. I still went with him for the doctors visits. People are pretty amazing in situations like this. Also, he really is going to be worse after treatment ends so you have to consider what time off you may need at that end. If there is any flexibility to go back part time, FML can be taken in hourly increments.

I'll bet he did enjoy getting into a non-medical setting, it's a connection with his interests and pre-cancer life. Jack is the cook in our family, I'm the microwave queen, and when this happened I had to relearn some basic skills so we wouldn't starve.

The first time he asked for dinner I offered him a frozen Jenny Craig meal. Turns out that's not entirely normal so I had to modify my behavior. Jack likes grocery shopping too - plus he knows where everything is in the store. He came with me on days he was up to it just as a diversion. When he wasn't, I had him help me make up the list and then tell me where I could find it in the store just to keep him connected to something he really enjoyed. As long as people are not getting up in his face it's probably fine that he's there. Don't forget outdoor places particularly if they have benches. I took Jack to the Jersey shore one day - about a 45 minute drive. We didn't stay long and he was nauseated coming and going but he was one happy camper when he was sitting on that beach. Supplies, medicine and food can be packed in a bag and go with you. When he needed to use the PEG tube we just went back to the car.

I also discovered that cook books are like a procedure manual and incredibly helpful for those of us who prefer to order out. On the home page you'll find a products link and there's a cookbook for easy to swallow, easy to chew foods - and more importantly easy to make - that I quickly ordered. There were lots of ideas that helped him maintain his swallowing during and after treatments. He had a PEG tube and used it often but he also kept swallowing something every day to keep the muscles working. I'm happy to report that Jack's back to cooking now and still using ideas from the cookbook.

Micheal will enjoy food again but be prepared that his taste will go and the burning in his throat will temporarily halt that. It will feel like it's never going to end and never going to improve but it does. He may not be able to process all that information right now, but keep telling him because he's probably hearing it on some level.

David, you are so sweet when you post about your wife. It's amazing how an experience this awful can reveal the wonderful aspects of our relationships with people we love. Some things you just can't buy in the store.

Regards JoAnne