Hi Barbara,

My husband was originally diagnosed with Stage III tonsil cancer in May 2002, 3 years after we relocated from Florida to Indiana. We primarily moved to be closer to my aging parents, so his illness at the time and his recurrence (yes, the "r" word) has been a double-edged sword. We moved 900 miles in order to take care of them and the role has been reversed when these cancer episodes have emerged. Coincidentally or perhaps not, issues with the health of my parents have also flared up as things get going with my husband, so the sense that I'm not doing enough for the folks I love the most is sometimes overwhelming.

The four years between my husband's original diagnosis and now with the recurrence seem, of course, to have flown by. I wish now I would have been more attentive to all the wonderful things in our lives and less worried about the "what ifs," especially at the beginning of the remission; worrying about the "what ifs" did not keep the darn stuff away.

I remember saying the first few months after diagnosis last time and when treatment ended that it was like an uninvited, unwanted guest had plopped itself into the middle of our lives. We had to pay attention to this 'guest' but I would be damned if I would let it rule my thoughts. Maybe I even fooled myself into thinking we had this thing licked.

Treatment for my husband will probably start within the next couple of weeks. I, too, intend on working for as long as I can. Now, though, I feel like I'm cheating my employer as I don't feel like I'm completly there either.

My strategy I'm planning on using when the treatment gets underway is to check in with my husband and myself every morning with the question, "How are you/am I doing?" If either one of us is emotionally or physically shaky, I'm planning on being with him. It's just too darn important.

Good luck, Barbara.

Loretta