I was debating whether or not to post and if I did post under what section to post. I sort of need to vent. My last treatment day was last Friday, the 11th. So I'm six days out, but cannot understand why these are the worst days and nights EVER. I don't mean to be a whiner about all this crap, but the iressa drug seems to have kicked my ass good. My neck and back are nothing but a huge scab of goo from this horrendous violent outbreak of acne. It was quite incredible actually. It seemed like overnight my skin became a pebbly beach of scabby stuff. It even spread to my throat area. The last week of treatment, the nurses were kind enough to wrap petrolatum dressings on it and gauze wrap my neck so I could get home okay without it all dripping onto the seat in my car. Now that I'm out of treatment. I pretty much just keep the area clean as possible, but I am not wrapping dressings on anymore. THey get gooed to the gauze and when I try to remove the dressings, the scabs just begin bleeding.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my surgeon who I'm sure would like to set up the appointment in the next few weeks for the neck dissection. He refused to answer any of my questions earlier about it because it was too soon to be answering my questions about the neck dissection. For the past week I have had NO, and I mean NO voice at all. I cannot speak. It hurts too much. I got mad yesterday because I gave my spouse the number for the liquid food people to deliver and an order to deliver two crates of Ensure and gravity feed bags. He called the order in, and the idiot people called me at home trying to discuss this order and I cannot speak. I really pissed me off as I had tried to head this off at the pass by getting my spouse to order and talk to them.

Anyway, I still don't know how I'm going to communicate with the ENT guy tomorrow. Nothing makes sense. My mouth is so dry, swallowing hurts, and I can't talk at all. One day I can have a voice, and then it will disappear for a week? I'm still battling the mucous situation and everytime I do sit down for feeding with the PEG, I just know I'll be at the sink throwing it up in a few hours.

What I need to hear is when did the corner turn? People have told me to expect bad days after treatment. I thought I could handle it, but it's been almost a week and they just seem to be getting worse. I feel like I'm getting weaker and not stronger. I don't even know why I'm going to be talking neck dissection tomorrow when I can't even imagine my skin healed up enough to handle it.

Additionally, I just really need to hear some positive news. Does this generally come AFTER they do a neck dissection and have pathology to read? I don't know when I'll know where I stand in this fight or if I'm succeeding.

Well, I'm going to go see if I can't get a nap or something in. I'm just having a rough time. My patience is wearing thin and I just feel like I'm treading water here.

Thanks for listening.
Jen