Jen, babe, I was right with you. Everyone's post have been spot on; it's cummulative but you WILL turn the corner. I remember turning REALLY bitter shortly after treatment b/c my body wasn't the 100% I wanted it to be WHEN I wanted it to be. Those feelings are normal and you will get by them.
As for communicating, I had a laptop to IM my husband all day who sat feet away. I rolled my eyes and threw my hands in the air when people left voicemails saying "I wanted to see how you're feeling, give me a call when you have a chance." People just don't get it b/c they've never been through it. It's kinda funny months later when they realize the mistake and say something resembling an apology to you.
I also used a notebook, especially when I was in the hospital for brachey and they put in a feeding tube that I didn't want. As I read your posts, my face screws up in that nose wrinkle, eye squint, and dagger stares remembering the frustration. I would write as fast as my little hands would go, underlining and circling words, pointing my pen furiously at what I wrote. I know you don't beleive it now, but I look back and laugh at those times.
Just think - when you get your voice back, you can call and yell at them ALL you want. I find an especially detailed letter to the company's president does the trick, even better when you say "I would like to know this is addressed and that future patients don't have to go through the....(Lay it on)".
My surgical oncologist explained recovery in these terms "Each day or week you may not feel better and better, but each quarter you'll notice a big improvement". He was right.
Even now, 9 months out of treatment, I'm going incredibly strong, yet Monday my body was exhausted (you know that feeling where your mind is fine but your body is saying "Nope. Sorry. I'm calling the shots right now, thank you"), and I went to bed at 8. My good friends' baby goes to bed between 9 and 10. Again, it makes me laugh.
When your voice comes back, it may sound a little rusty, so don't get frustrated. Most people that didn't know me thought I had a cold, and you can easily explain it away to that.
And don't EVER feel like you're whining to us. We've been there and know what it's like. Feel free to vent any and all frustrations!
Sabrina
