Jen,

I remember dreaming of a pizza. It was all I thought about for awhile. I would feel so sorry for myself and think "Will I ever be able to eat a pizza again?". The last treatment I had was right before Memorial Day of last year. I too thought "All done, now I will get better!" Bring it on. I even planned a weeks vacation with my entire family the first week of June. Talk about insane. The month of June was horrible. Was on a pain patch until the end of July. The worst was the sores in the mouth and the swallowing. Pain patch helped some but I had to take some tylenol with codiene on top of it. And the worst part was feeling out of it and not "in control" of things. When I was ready to get things down orally I started with shakes. Applesauce burned and so did mash potatoes. One thing that I didn't like before but it soon became my best friend was cottage cheese (I would add peaches to it) it was so smooth and the coolness helped the throat. When I was desperate I would drink a can of Boost just for the calories. Alfredo sauce was also my buddy and gravies too. And washing every bite down with water!!! My dietician at the hospital was a great source of knowledge and gave me some info with recipes for people who are trying to eat again. Alot of shakes. They even told me to add ganola oil to a shake to get some calories. That was a big deal to them. I had to really prove I was maintaining my weight before ever pulling the peg. It was finally pulled Sept. 10. (Installed April 1.)
I know you want this all to be over and it will be soon. But just know that everyweek you will feel a little better. Some weeks something new might pop up, more tired or ear pain, whatever. But it does gradually get better. Never thought the day would come when I would say it, but it does. Talk to the Dr. about the eating/vomiting problem maybe it's the food your on. When I took that family vacation I prearranged to have my food shipped and waiting for me. Guess what didn't arrive for 4 days?? I had to go to a pharmacy and buy ensure to put into my tube. It made me soooo sick. My regular "food" was Nutren. So maybe it's not agreeing with you. There was about 3 weeks when I couldn't talk and that drove me nuts. I remember one night when my husband and daughter were both not at home and I just started freaking out and getting all nervous. What if something was to happen to me?? I couldn't call anyone to tell!!!! Now I laugh that I was able to even shut up for that long a time!
It will improve! But it can be slow. Just try to take the best care of yourself possible and get as much rest as you can. You just went thru alot! ASk for something to sleep at night from your Dr. if you have to.

Take care of yourself. I swear it only gets better. Give yourself a week for every week you had radiation to finally feel "normal".
C