When i was told that my spot on my tongue needed to be biopsied I knew then that it was cancer. Of course, in the back of my mind i was hoping that it wasn't, trying to keep my thoughts in the positive. But, thoughts came to my mind like, how will i react if it is and what will happen. Will I or won't I seek treatment. Then when the doctor said it was positive I didn't freak out. I seemed so calm about things for the longest time. Of course, I had times when I would break down and cry. But, most of the time I was calm and could even laugh about things like losing weight because I won't be able to eat and how its going to be really quite around our house. I think that God gave me that sense of calm. Don't get me wrong, I had and still have alot of question like why me. But, I have seen little things happen along the way that have showed me that God is near and I'm not alone in what I am going through. I don't believe that He wants us to suffer in any way and I don't believe that people are punished in any way for something they do or don't do by God.
Unfortunitly cancer is a part of life and death. I'm in my church choir and I had my surgery the week before the 4th of July so I couldn't participate in the Sunday program that we had been getting ready for. But, I was there on the third row watching. That was hard for me because singing is my life! Anyway, something really clicked all of the sudden during that program. You see the songs were all out of a book Called "Somebodys Praying Me Through". I thought about it and realized that I had people in eight different states praying for me during this awful ordeal. To me that was just a sign from God that he does have a hand in my life especially through this time of confussion and pain. All this has made me appreciate the little things like even the wind blowing of my face or the sunshine. I hope this hasn't affended anyone!!!