Audrey, I have had surgery (Jan., 2006) for SCC of the right maxilla and part of the hard palate. MrsA and I have "found" each other, and we agree that there haven't been others with palatal surgery on this board, for some reason. I know that all cases are different, and that our diagnoses are different and might be treated differently, but our surgeries will have some similarities, as will our recoveries.

I want to say, like others have, that you must allow your family to "do" for you. When we deny them that privilege, it is like rejecting a gift that they are attempting to give us. They will feel pretty helpless as you go through this, so let them do as much as they can.

You will find that a good spouse will be your greatest strength throughout this process, IF you don't shut him out by trying to "protect" him. Let him be your rock for a while.

I share your tendency to protect my children, so while I have been totally open about everything, I do put on a bit of a happy face for them at times, allowing my husband to see the unhappy one. And now that I have returned to doing all that I was doing before my "adventure" as I have begun to call it, that unhappy face appears very seldom.

You spoke of the possibility of facial disfigurement.....I had a right maxillectomy and a partial palatectomy on that side. It involved quite a lot of surgery, including a skin graft inside my cheek, for which they used some allograft (artificial) material. All of my surgery was done inside my mouth. I also had a modified neck dissection.

After surgery, I had several neurological problems that made me VERY unhappy. There are so many nerves in the face and neck that they can not do this surgery without "insulting" some of those nerves. But my surgeon said all would get better, and it did. I had a totally numb ear that felt like it was the size of an elephant's ear, numbness of my face and jaw and neck, numbness of my upper lip, so that I couldn't kiss or put on lipstick, weakness in my lower lip that made me smile crooked...and some weakness in my eyelid that caused it to droop. I was a wreck!!

But gradually, the numbness has subsided, and my ear is nearly normal feeling, and the bit of numbness remaining in my jawline is not even noticeable to me. My upper lip is totally normal, and though my lower lip on that side is a little weak, it looks perfectly normal, and I even smile straight now. I look totally normal, and it didn't take very long for those things to resolve, so don't despair at first.

I guess that what I want to say is that no matter what surgery you have, you will wish you had not had to have it. And you will be different in some ways than before it. You can not go through this sort of experience, and the changes of this radical sort of surgery, and still be the same as before.

Life is all about change, I have determined. I have also learned that, no matter how difficult I feel that my burden is, there are others--some who have cancer and some who have burdens even worse than that....who have a much more difficult time than I do. I am a stronger person than before, and much more appreciative of my many blessings.

Palatal surgery will require some changes, and you will not like all of them, but you will adapt, and you will go on, changed a little, but still YOU!! And you will eventually find yourself feeling that some good came of this terrible experience, since it provided an opportunity for your family and friends to gather around you and shower you with their loving concern. I am personally thankful for that!! Perhaps your own discoveries will be different, but I guarantee that you will discover something positive through this experience.

I decided to be pretty open about what was going on with my condition, from the beginning, both with family and with friends. Very soon, I found that people I hardly knew were asking me how I was doing, with complete sincerity. They still do, and I very openly tell them that I am doing quite well, and that I really appreciate their asking. When they tell me that they include me in their prayers, I thank them and ask them to continue. It is obvious that people have spread the word, and I don't even mind. The more people interested in my health, and offering prayers for my recovery, the better, as far as I am concerned.

So....don't be a hero. Let somebody else play that role for a while. It's good for them, and they need to do it for you. It will bring you closer to them, and after this is all over, you will have the knowledge that you did this "adventure" together and came out ok on the other side.