Audrey, When I was diagnosed with cancer I had three woman friends who were already cancer survivors (though none had had oral cancer which is why this board is such a blessing). Of the advice they gave me, all three said some variation of the following:

"I always was the person who took care of the rest of my family but when you get cancer, you have to learn to put yourself first. Even if it has never been all about you before, to survive this fight, you have to learn to feel OK with not taking care of other people and asking (or even demanding) that other people take care of you"

I think it's very hard for women to do this--most of us have been brought up to be caretakers of others to some extent--and sometimes the rest of the family (the ones who are used to being cared for by you, not caring for you) don't adjust well to this change. But the cancer battle is a hard one and you have to let go of taking care of others and take care of yourself first while you're fighting it.

(This doesn't mean you can't love and care for your family as you are able, it just means you can't put that ahead of your own needs during this time).

Nelie