Hi Carol, Thanks for the words of advice and encouragement. I'm having a PEG tube put in tomorrow. Three weeks ago I was at a point where I could eat semi solid foods and was able to speak and was pain free. Now,because of the pain and swelling in my tongue from the cancer, I can only down liquids and can't talk. If the pain or swelling increase much more, I won't be able to even down liquids.It's to painful to move my tongue even with the strongest pain meds I dare to take. I tried using lidocaine directly on it but that just seems to upset it. So, I've regressed quickly in the last three weeks. Now, from the time I wake up, the only thing I look forward to each day is going back to sleep at night. It's the only way I can escape the pain for a while. I load up on the meds I'm on that cause drowsiness just before I go to bed to help me sleep..

I restart radiation and start chemo on Monday. There is a team of doctors and specialists there to help me. My wife drives me back and forth, which is about an hour and a half each way. She has been there even when I could drive myself. I have a great support system. But, I'm sure there are other people on here who feel the same way I do. That this is a lonely journey no matter how many well intentioned people you have around you. They can be there for you but they can't be there with you. Only you know what it feels like and only your life is at stake. That said, it would be much more difficult without support. For some reason, it bothers me when people smile and tell me I'm doing great and that I'm going to beat this. I'm not doing great and,based on statistics, I probably won't beat it. I don't say that because I'm down. I say it because it's true. I deal with best when I face the truth. Seems like a lot of people deal better in fantasy.

Thanks again,
Marv