Ina, I am so sorry to hear that Joyce's disease has progressed.
I agree completely that as the patient she has the right to ask for treatment.
However I am also of the opinion that it is the physicians right to refuse to treat if it is not in the patients best interest.
From your description I do not believe it is in Joyce's best interest to progress with aggressive surgery, radiation and chemo. That time has passed. Why is there such a delay in just inserting a PEG for feeding purposes. This is a simple out patient procedure.
To be honest, I am of the opinion that your family should be doing all to keep Joyce comfortable and pain free. Involve Hospice, and enjoy the remaining time she has left.
I am so sorry , Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!