It's true - it really hurts when people we thought we could count on disappoint us but in defense of the ones that disappear in a crisis, it is not always easy to know what to say or do. Their own past may have something in it that weakened their store of courage or ability to react in a way we feel is helpful or proper. Survivors also have many different ways of reacting to others' comments or actions. My son told me early on that he hated when people said to him: "Well, it could be worse" so I scrambled around telling everyone not to say that to him. And when he started Rad Tx - after the first one I cheerily said to him, "Yay! only 34 more to go!" He reacted very badly to that - and so I was careful to never say that again. Then when it got closer to the end of Tx and he was coming out of his latest Rad session, he himself cheerily said the same thing back to me: "Yay, only ____ more to go!"