Grammie

Extremely common occurence. Often caregivers have it worse than the patient in this regard. I was going to write the definitive book about this very isssue and most of the other ones here on this thread after reading all of them. But a breat cancer patient, Lori Hope beat me to it!
Help Me Live, Revised: 20 things People with Cancer want you to know. Be sure to get the revise edition. The Amazon site blurb says it all
[quote] Following her own treatment for cancer, Lori Hope created a survey for cancer survivors addressing issues they wanted their families, friends, and caregivers to understand. The results of the newly expanded survey are presented with honesty, insight, and humor, and complemented by scores of compelling personal stories from survivors of diverse ages and backgrounds.

If you are a caregiver, Help Me Live will help you communicate more effectively and respond more compassionately. And if you are a survivor, it will help you feel validated, empowered, and, ultimately, hopeful.[/quote]

Lori had a recurrence and died after the revisions came out
You may want to buy some copies and give them out to friends as a silent nudge.

On the other hand, I was surprised by the kindness and real care expressed by my co workers. Turns out that they were truer friends than my so called ones. One of the most common surprises on the board is how many "friends" do disappear, the other one is how many "friends" who stay do and say things that make you wish they had disappeared. (see some of the other posts in this very long thread I started out of frustration )
Charm