First, welcome to OCF!

This situation must be very difficult for not just your wife but also you as her caregiver. I think being a caregiver is a very hard task. You must carry all the weight of the household on your shoulders plus be the patients advocate thru the ups and downs all while keeping a smile on your face. Not easy at all!!!

Im going to ask you a delicate question, Im sorry if its upsetting. I do not mean any harm or disrespect at all. Does your wife wish to die? Without nutrition, her body will eventually fail her and shut down. I imagine starvation is not an easy death. But thats what will happen if she doesnt get nutrition. I understand living on a feeding tube isnt easy (I use one too for about half of my nutrition). Many people can live good productive lives even if they use a feeding tube or have speech, hearing or other physical limitations.

Would a therapist or psychologist be able to help? It sounds like your wife may be depressed. Surviving oral cancer and living with its after effects can be hard to handle. Maybe it would help her to join a group of other like herself. OCF may be a resource to allow her a place to vent and make friends. She could see she is not alone in her struggles. Maybe have a long talk with your wife and let her know you need her. Everyone needs to be needed, they need a reason to get up in the morning, a purpose in life. Could you help her by making her feel useful in some way? Possibly she doesnt see her own worth and could use some guidance.

We are here not just for the patient, we can also help you as her caregiver. Im sorry but I dont know of any agencies that you could contact besides hospice when she gets towards the end.

Wishing you both all the very best with everything.