I'm a little bewildered with myself. This is my husband's third bout with this stupid cancer and you would think I would be a pro at handling the emotions and all that goes with it. Instead I find that I am becoming more of a basket case. I can't sleep that's the worst. I'm wide awake at 3 or 4 in the morning after not going to bed til 12 or 1. I just want to get the surgery behind us. So recovery can begin. Unfortunately we still have 2 or 3 weeks to wait. Thankfully we see one of the surgeons on Wednesday ofr the last consult. The other bad thing is both our children are out of the country and I can't communicate with either right now. I'm feeling pretty alone. My husband is the type that doesn't want to sit around and talk about it. He say's there is no sense harping on the gastly subject. So I guess that is why I am venting here. No place else. I wish I would get to the angry stage or the grief stage already so I could have a good cry and probably feel better. Right now I'm stuck in the numb or stunned stage. A state of shock I guess. I find myself walking around just shaking my head.... I know there are many here at this site that have gone through exactly the same thing. And thank you all for listening.

Just needed a pity party for a little bit.

Bette