My husband is 2+ years out of treatments for "base of tongue" HPV+ cancer. John and I have been together for 18 years and married for 11. John was 45 when we got married. He was never maried before but certainly didn't live a celibate life and I was married before with a few sexual partners in my life. John and I have always had a very good sex life. Ever since John was diagnosed and completed treatments our sex life has been affected. We still have a great sex life but there are two things missing - passionate kisses and oral sex. John no longer kisses me passionately and will no longer have oral sex with me although he doesn't have a problem with me performing it on him.

I am now 47 and when I was 30 I had an abnormal pap smear with cervical dsyplasia. I have not had any abnormal pap smears in the past 16 years and I do go annually for them. I think John thinks that I gave him the HPV virus and therefore is afraid to kiss me or have oral sex with me. He of course denies this but that is how I feel he thinks about it. So......where do I go from here? When I talk to him about it he tells me eventually that part of our relationship will return. Well - I'm not getting any younger waiting.

I try not to take it personally and I know he is concerned about a recurrance but once you carry the virus don't you always carry it? I know the body clears the virus and I have talked to my GYN about it. She said that when she has patients that have an abnormal pap smear and come back for a re-check, most of the time the subsequent test is normal because the body has cleared it. I give him all the stats about how many adults carry the HPV virus etc. but that doesn't seem to help.

I'm sure we are not the only couple having post-treatment sex issues. Any suggestions or info that I could give him to read that might put his mind at ease? Funny how I'm not afraid of "catching" it from him.