Lisa, you need some help. This isnt an easy thing to handle alone. Please go see your doc and get some anti-anxiety meds right away. Even if you dont think you need them, talk with the doc and see what they say.

Ive gone thru this 3 times and never once sat around asking 'WHY ME"? Sometimes life throws you a curve and you gotta pick yourself up and handle it even if you dont want to. Although I have children and was married a long long time ago, I still was pretty much alone the first 2 times. My kids were teenagers with their own agendas.

When ever you feel down, OCF will help support you. But people who dont help themselves cant be helped over a computer. Please see a therapist or someone who is familiar with all the stress cancer brings with it. Sometimes talking is the best medicine.

Some friends will unfortunately abandon you. Its like you are contagious. Dont be afraid to pick up the phone and go out. Enjoy simple things like a walk in the beautiful springtime weather. Its amazing how much good a walk in the park can do. You will meet so many new people and make alot of new friends with this journey. Who knows what the future holds. There are lots of single doctors out there

Dont even worry about scars. Thats something you have no control over. I used to be an attractive woman, now Im very far from that. Everyone who knows me, knows the real me and isnt affected by my looks. Ive had some strange looks given to me since my surgery, but Im still here which is the most important. Maybe down the road I can get some surgery to reconstruct my neck and jaw, but until that day comes, Im ok with how I am. I walk thru the park with my head held high and let people stare all they want. If they want to ask me about it, I would gladly tell them Im a 3x cancer survivor who is lucky to be here.

Best of luck with everything. Please keep posting, it will help.