Lisa,

I was extremely handsome and popular before I got cancer(very humble too). I was a big shot career guy, very active in my local and regional community both politically and socially and had a TON of friends...very popular guy if do I say so myself...everybody knew me.

When I got sick the community I lived in was very supportive in a different way. It was "big news" in the local paper and it was a popular "fund raising" opportunity as people came out of the woodwork to write checks to help cover medical expenses etc...as you may've noticed I live in a small rural community much like Mayberry.

What I found though was when it came down to it, I had a ton of people I knew and very few friends. In fact, I could count the people that were "there" for me on one hand and really not use every digit. When it came down to it though...I felt totally alone as I had nobody that could relate to the thoughts and feelings I was having...or even to my situation as this was before I found OCF.

I have a wonderful family, my wife of 10 years and two small children and will say that it weighed very hard on me that they had to go through this experience because of me. The hardest thing I've ever done in life was tell my 7 year old son I had cancer and see him break down and cry and say "But Daddy I don't want you to die!"...that broke me. We still have him in counceling to help him deal with all that he's been through the past two years. Seeing the strain on my wife's face, even when she's trying to look strong, is something I still feel guilty about...knowing she had to go through it and pick up the shattered pieces of my children as well if I didn't make it.

What I'm trying to say, is the grass isn't as green on the other side. This is some tough shit to deal with no matter what the situation and I support using whatever means necessary to make it through. Reach out and find someone locally to be a caregiver...there are organizations out there that do just that...find them. But if you hear anything I say, hear this...USE US! Get on these forums to seek advice and support...Get on Facebook where many of us spend our time socializing and further developing relationships. I didn't find OCF until AFTER chemo/radiation and surgery...but the people here were instrumental in helping me cope with "the new normal" and also made me realize that the hand I was dealt wasn't impossible to win with.

Best wishes,

Eric