I think having been on both sides of the equation, like Gary, there is no role that is easy. My mother was in very bad shape and for months after they told her she would die in a 4-6 weeks she realized she may be around a bit longer and suddenly took an active role in her care. Up to then she even refused to change her ileostomy bag. As she took over more it was particularly hard for me to give it all back as I was the one that felt I had to do everything possible to keep her alive.

We reached a point of honest and straightforward communication for perhaps the first time in over 40 years. I learned to let her run her own show and I never questioned her decisions. I also learned to speak up in a nice way when I wanted to do something. I also learned how to ask for clarification in a non-threatening way so I could try and understand her position in my own terms. This was the toughest because, as Gary says, we can not read minds and should not. Sometimes guessing is better than trying to emphathize, but always creates ambiguity.

Mommapez, in my experience, my kids wouldn't come near me for weeks when I was at my worst. I would have done anything to just have them lay next to me in the bed and hug me but they couldn't do it. Once I got up and around and went to some of their functions, they came around.

Again, there is nothing easy on anyone in this journey. Find your strength in any way you can but always be considerate of those around you.

Ed