Everyone needs to feel in control, no matter how small or large the issue and we all have a right to our own feelings without anyone telling us we shouldn't feel a certain way or having to explain why. I agree with Minnie in that for me, it really seems like it has got to be a lot more difficult for a man to be faced with losing control over something he previously had complete control over. Others have made such excellent suggestions above. Rather than think about what's done, maybe you can find ways to help your husband feel in control of some things, no matter how small. For example, when my son was at his most difficult time, and we were making daily trips for Rad Tx, I would always ask if he wanted to drive and most of the time he said "no" but there were times when he did say "yes" and I think it helped him feel in control just having the choice. Being able to be in control of some things gives you hope that there is a "new normal" coming soon. Your daughter could probably use some help realizing that your husband's reaction has nothing to do with how much he loves her and that we all react differently to life changing events.(His reaction may in fact have been because he does love her and didn't want to cause her pain or sadness) It is good that you are taking care of yourself, too. I think caregivers go thru some of the same "loss of control" feelings. I know that it helped me to concentrate on the things that I could do something about rather than stress over those I couldn't. Things do get better not only for the survivor but everyone else concerned.