Discouraged and upset- that is what I am now. Met with the chaplain today before Bill's radiation treatment and guess what he asked? Why did I think it was important to get married.... Made me feel that I was in the wrong wanting to marry a man that "may have a short time" and should be happy with the situation as it is. Bill told me to just ignore it and that if I did not want to go back, I did not have to... but it upset me. This man actually made me feel like I am wrong to want to marry the man of my dreams- the only person I have ever truly loved... and why? Because of the cancer! I am sorry I am venting but I am just so angry and upset- he actually told me "what do you expect when you bought your wedding dress?" like I was just trying to marry Bill because of his money or something-

I have told Bill that I would like nothing but his love from this marriage- I am not after his money (he has some in savings and elsewhere) and that we would take care of each other in this relationship- because I did not want to stop working the jobs that I love. Yes, I have cut back on my gym job some- but I have not quit it and even when I move, I did not want to stop teaching aerobics of some sort. I just could not believe it.

Tell you how wonderful Bill is even when sick? After his radiation treatment, because I was so depressed, he carried me to Applebees (because he knows I love the tomato basil soup there) to cheer me up. We talked and that helped a lot.

I am supposed to meet this chaplain again on friday- on my own since Bill does not want to meet with him. Dont know what to do....