Dear Kerry, While I know you need hugs, I don't think you need to hear platitudes. You and Stephen had a lousy thing happen in your life together. And you dealt with that together. So Now What?? The answer is up to the both of you. Your marriage and love for each other is either strong enough to surmount these issues, or it is not. [hopefully for your children's sake, it is]. There are some pro-active things you can do to work on this. #1. Get some therapy for yourself. You are dealing with a bunch of tough issues all at once- a new location, loss of old friends, a "different" husband than the man you married, a different life than what you expected when you married him, the realization that life is not always a bed of roses and you both have come face to face with the fact of mortality. You and Stephen will each have to grapple with these issues in your own way and at your own speed. The important thing is to be honest about the issues you are facing and get professional help!
#2. Get yourself involved in an activity that involves helping others- volunteer somewhere that you can contribute in a helpful way to someone else's life [school, nursing home,cancer support center, church ] Try to redirect your focus in a different direction. When a caregiver no longer has a "patient" to care for, her\his role in life can become unclear.
#3. Rethink how to rejoice in the daily gifts of life you have- with your kids, with the fact that Stephen is a survivor, with your family. In other words-find your blesings and start counting them. Your question about whether or not your life will be happy again is pretty much up to you. Amy