Barb,
I am so sorry your daughter has hidden from you. If it were my child, I would write to her and say, "You are my daughter and I need you now, come to see me today," and she would come - maybe not stay for ten minutes, but she would come. But then, the last bad break I had with a child was when they were teenagers.

But I think you need to remind her that you are you, not just a cancer patient. Maybe she cannot see or think past the word cancer, but if she could see that you are still the same person she might be able to get past the fear.
On the other hand, the parents who didn't come to see their daughter!!! How can that be possible?
I feel very lucky that my children came as much as they could, and tried to get me to eat and made me laugh even when it hurt.

Do write to her. I wonder if it would help to ask her to do one small specific thing for you. maybe even something she could do without coming to see you. I am sure she has to feel terribly guilty about the way she is treating you, and if she could start to do something for you..

I don't know. i just feel terrible for both you and your daughter. But 31 years or not, she is your daughter, and she needs to learn to act like one, or she will never grow up to be a real woman.

Love, Leena