Hi Barb,
When my mother died I was angry at her for a long time. I didn't really understand it until I discovered that it is part of the grieving process.

It's probably just too "real" for her right now. Some of my best friends did the same thing and they just coudn't cope with facing their own mortality. Give her some time to process this. Dealing with death at that age has to be surreal. Everybody deals with things like this on their own level. It sounds like she is fighting to have some semblance of her previous life. I don't think that "mad or sad" is the right choice here - it is not really about you or wanting to hurt you - it is about her feelings and inability to cope with a "one two punch" at such a tender young age.