I too am like Virinia and my husband was diagnosed last week with Ca at base of his tongue. We also went undiagnosed for months and I feel so helpless now and blame myself for not seeing it sooner. The earlier biopsies were negative but when we got to the right ENT he knew what was wrong in a few minutes. My husband can't take anything but liguids and I am trying to get as much "good food " as I can in him but he has no desire to eat.We start chemo and radiation next week - he is not a candidate for surgery as he also has a weak heart. I cry away from him - I am his support and try to maintain an upbeat mood around him. I probably just need a good cry and then get on with it. We will not let cancer ruin our life - we have things to do and places to see!