Hi all,

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. Today is two weeks post rad. My mouth sores are almost all gone and the swelling in my face has really improved. I am feeling less tired, but I am still waking up one or two times in the night to give myself more guaifenesin and robotussin with codeine to suppress the cough and mucus. I'm still sleeping on the couch. I walk everyday, but I don't do much else because of the mucus. Yoga and mucus/running and mucus don't mix.

I keep trying to swallow, but nothing is going down. I was able to swallow the middle of a ravioli a few days ago, but yesterday I failed to get any cream of mushroom soup down. I'm going to try coffee or lukewarm hot chocolate later today. I can speak a bit, but it's very strained and gargled. It hurts to talk and swallow, honestly. I try to eat as much as I can through my PEG, but my stomach physically can't take more than 4 or 5 cans. I've been feeling queasy even with that amount.

I'm feeling pressure from my caregiver to get better (ie be more active and leave the house more), and I want to be better, but I know that I'm not going to immediately heal. I feel like it is my fault, but I can't control how my body reacts or heals. I'm also afraid to be in public, which I think frustrates my caregiver. However, I can't talk and I'm so full of mucus - so I feel really uncomfortable in public. It's not that I don't want to heal, but like I said, I can't control the pace of my healing or where I feel most comfortable at different stages of the process.