Thanks for posting!!!

We are ALL in this together! Its not easy seeing it that way when you barely have any support close by. You have many here who are in your corner, waiting for your new posts and hoping to see biopsy returned as negative for cancer.

Please do your very best to remember.... right this minute you have NOT been diagnosed with oral cancer. By fast-forwarding your thinking to after getting a cancer diagnosis, you are 10 steps ahead of yourself. Focus instead more on today and everything you can control. I learned this when I had several biopsies and after about the 4th one being negative I began to realize I was making myself miserable worrying about something that wasnt even true. Start doing more positive things for yourself. Hiding in bed wont help you feel better about anything. Do something different even when you dont feel like it. Walk your dog, take a different route and talk to the people you encounter as they are outside doing yard work. I have met so many great neighbors who live all around me by being a little more social. Ive always been a bit quiet, preferring to listen and observe rather than to jump right in adding to an existing group conversation. By approaching people I didnt know while dog walking was a great way to meet lots of nice people. Its worth a shot!

Unfortunately, something strange happens to those people cancer patients have been close to when they learn of their diagnosis. Too often the ones we count on the most, are not able to deal with hearing someone has cancer... I dont know why they head for the hills but Ive seen it happen wayyyy too many times. Its happened to me and many others here as well. Maybe they just cant face their own mortality or they internalize someone else's cancer to worry for their own health??? I found there was such a huge wedge created by those who abandoned me that to this day, 12 years later we still do not talk. Ive accepted the fact I cant get past my hurt feelings and avoid those who let me down. Luckily there is something amazing that happens to those that arent the closest friends, somehow they step up and are there to help the patient with moral support. At some of my low points, I had co-workers I barely knew volunteering to help me in all kinds of ways. With a few of my closest allies disappearing, these kind people couldnt have timed their generous assistance better. Not yet having been diagnosed with cancer should help make it easier for you to be less concerned with those disappearing "friends". For right now, try to ignore the behavior of those you had been close with. Sometimes people close to us need time to process exactly what a cancer diagnosis or scare means to someone they love. One other thing about those who arent around after hearing the word "cancer" other peoples behavior is NOT something you can control. But, you can control how you react to it. They are the ones who are missing out on your friendship... it really is their loss, not yours!!! Its definitely a major challenge, but you can rise above the bad feelings of abandonment! You can see thru those absences they were only there for the good times. Try your best not to dwell on it, all it does is make you upset and angry. Doing positive things that benefit you will help to pass the time. Try to do positive things that help you to feel better about everything you have going on.

Ive been with OCF since I was first diagnosed with oral cancer (OC) in 2007... 12+ years! In that time Ive seen soooo many people join our family "knowing" they had cancer. This was before their biopsy was taken so they didnt really know if they were sick or not. OC is a rare disease. Back when I first joined this group, I had never even heard of it before. I was in my single mom bubble of work, kids, house/yard things. After being here for so many years Ive seen many come here who have jumped past everything and become overly upset worrying about dying. Almost every person who has been here because of negatively "knowing" they have OC has NOT had anything serious. Many have gotten a dysplasia diagnosis (which is NOT a pre-cancer!) or other easily cured ailment. Im relaying this info to you hoping you can use that to move past the despair to think more positive about your life. Every single person has value!!! Every person has good qualities and strengths. Find yours and focus on them. Maybe gardening, dog walking, painting your bedroom, making some small improvements to make the house a more pleasant environment or doing any task that brings you happiness to get past the depression. Whatever you enjoy doing and are good at can be a productive way to handle what you are dealing with. Since you already have different professionals to help get you thru the waiting and depression try to reach out to them asap. Maybe a simple medication change could be all you need to feel better? Here in the US, all doctors are available 24/7 with answering services taking messages and passing them along to the doc outside of regular office hours. That could be another big help to make that call. A 5 minute phone call could change everything!!

Believe it or not, you really are stronger than you think!!!! Have the very best day possible!!!!