Hi Delly ,
My dads very poorly deteriorating a little more each day . He was so positive at first determined and hopeful , but over the last 2 months as the disease has progressed he's gradually going down hill before our eyes. He's so frightened he won't actually say that but we all see it and it's difficult to know what to keep saying . My dads always been a 'mans man' but he's stuck with 3 daughters. I'm the youngest , one sister is deaf with a learning disability and the other lives in Kent and has secondary progressive MS, so I'm doing the bulk of everything with my mum of course but she's really not managing . Bless her she's trying with every kind of food but he's just not interested the tumour is so large 39cm at diagnosis blocking the opening of his oesophagus the stent as prolonged his life but he coughs constantly and days he has a full feeling and feels sick but insists he has not much pain . But that's my dad I think he sees it as a weakness . He was riding his mountain bike at 72 up until January this year , so it's all been a massive shock . I can't help but feel he was so worried about me that he ignored his own symptoms he ignored his own. I remember when I was very ill he use to say ' if only it was me ..... Let me take it from you ' heart breaking Delly . Sometimes I want to just hug him but he's not that kind of a man ever been a demonstrative man but he knows I love him and vice versa. You think I would just be able to go and do it but I can't for some reason . He can't bear anyone to be upset around him so I have to be composed when I'm there and break down the minute I drive home . He was given an average of 3 weeks on the 13th June this year ...... But he's still here , my mum says he's dying in front of us a little more each day . Macmillan nurses involved but that's it , he never even went to Christies we were told there's nothing available for him at this late stage.
I hate to think what he's thinking I try to imagine how he must feel and its destroying me . You know you've been there and I think the way you supported your dad and how you pulled out all the stops for him was remarkable , I feel so helpless . Any way how are you and your family ? I think about you often , one big extended family here aren't we , sharing our stories and advice ? Would be lost without this forum . My dad helped me financially after I was ill nobody would touch me with a new mortgage , I did have critical injuries cover and my existing one got paid off thank fully but I wanted to move closer to all my family and the area is much more expensive . Dad gave me the money no questions asked and insisted I reduce my hours at work as it's been a long recovery period for me , I'm still not there yet but doing my best . He's such a decent man never asked for much and lead a clean life so unfair . Phew that was a bit of an off load , sorry !
Sending you big understanding hugs xxxx