Hi all,

Sorry not to update in a while life has been life - but I have read all of the comments and take all the info anytime we have a dr appointment that I have learned from here. Heather nice to meet you, I wish it was not in this way.

So a bit of a update and where we stand now -

Shortly after my last update Steve pulled his feeding tube out by accident while he slept. He was happy that when it came out he could actually swallow water and liquids and his speech did improve. However, he could not intake enough to keep the weight on and in the three days it took to get him in to get a G tube he lost 5 lbs ( he is down to 135). After the G-tube was put in he gained so much more strength and his spirits brightened. He could even taste the fruit in the flavor water I gave him. He has yet to try anything of substance other then water and juice. It is annoying how little he has tried to be honest.

His mood after finding out he would need chemo and radiation was horrible - complete depression yet he does not want to see a phys and even stopped taking his Lexapro until he re-started on Saturday after a stern talking from myself and a dr.

Friday was his birthday - poor guy not only had an appointment at Moffitt to check on his surgical areas, he got up that morning and overnight his neck had ballooned up it was not even swollen the night before. Thank god we had that appointment. The Dr had to lance his neck and a ton of liquid and puss came out. The Dr was concerned why he got an infection this long in the surgical recovery process. The Dr also ordered to have a RN come to the house each day to clean and re-pack the wound and he is on anti-biotics. What a birthday. This took his - I am finally recovering mood right back down to hopelessness.

I am terrified at how he is acting - extremely depressed - stays in bed and watches movies and only leaves to get boost, meds and bathroom. Has not wanted to shower, shave or anything - totally not like him at all, little to no contact with friends and in general blah about everything. I am calling Moffitt after work to see what we can do - since he keeps refusing treatment for his mental heath. I understand the depression but I cannot see going into radiation and chemo in this state. The only good update is that they upped his boost from 300 to the 500 cal version.

Also, and I could really use some help on this - he is having horrible mucus - he is on musinex and he throws up at times and says he is constantly nauseas' has anyone experienced this? My thought is that he is on - anti-biotics, pain relief - usually liquid Tylenol but at times morphine, musinex and only taking in water and boost so I think his body is sick from so many meds and no substance food wise. Also since they lanced his neck he is not taking in anything via mouth and hardly talking - he said the throat is too swollen.

Wish I have a more upbeat update. I have to admit this is really taking its toll on me and our relationship. I am not used to this person he is acting like, and it feels like there is no appreciation for all that I do. I am trying to suck it up but it has become very hard.

Danielle