Hi Everyone - I have to first thank you all. I have been reading the posts for the last month or so and while scary they have really given great advise and comfort at time. This is a situation I never thought I would be in, but I know having other people to talk to is healthy and will help. So thank you all!

Back story - I am the caregiver to my boyfriend. He is 37 non smoker, light drinker but did chew for years before we met. We have only been dating 6 months. The first time he had a mass removed on his tongue - clean margins and radiation to the right side of his next - precaution no cancer found there. He has been following up with appointments to his oncologist and each time was given a clean bill of health but no PET or Scans done to re-check.

In Early December he found a bump on his tongue - like a pimple close to the middle - not on the side or place of his first mass. He waited a week and decided to make an appointment with his oncologist - who said he did not think it was cancer but by the urging of my boyfriend took a biopsy. BTW - this oncologist did not think his first mass was cancer and did not biopsy for over 6 months of failed treatments. His results came back the day after Christmas and indeed it is cancer. He had a MRI and PET scan done the next week. We got the results at the beginning of Jan. After meeting with his oncologist and radiologist - We made the decision to go get a 2nd opinion with Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa (we live about 1/2 hour away) Unfortunately, they could not see us till last Friday - 1/23. We were told by his previous radiologist (because his oncologist was of no help and I kick myself for not going to Moffitt first) that he would be a good candidate for robotic surgery. However, after meeting with Dr, Otto ( who I really like and have done a lot of research on) that no that is not the case - the tumor is to large and advanced. This news was a emotional bomb and shocker to my boyfriend - unfortunately he is in a deep depression (even with meds) and has not done the research that I have. She recommended removing a large portion of his tongue - I am assuming but did not want to ask while he was so much how much - It could be the whole tongue. And take the skin and vein in his wrist to rebuild a tongue for him. Also they will be taking the lymph nodes on his right side to hope that the cancer will not travel and that one node looks enlarged.

He is scared to death and I have to admit I am as well. Dr, Otto used words like cure and she feels confident in saving him and giving him a good quality of life, speech and swallowing. After do a lot of research I feel confident she would not say this if it was not possible, but we all know this cancer is a shifty one. He is scared he will never talk again or at leased not be able for people to understand him. As a project manager he is on the phone a lot so he will be taking off a large amount of time from work.

Sorry this is so long but it has been a LONG 2 months and I know we have a LONG road ahead of us. His surgery is sceduled for 2/19 (3 weeks away from our first visit to Moffitt) the Dr. said it is a all day surgery and that is why it took so long to schedule it. This is also a concern. He said the mass gets larger by the day and is bleeding now. He is afraid the next 2-3 weeks will change the outcome. The Dr. said she did not think that as the case, and if she did she would refer us to another specialist that could do the surgery sooner. This also scares me and I feel if we got into Moffitt sooner we would not have to play this horrible waiting game and he would have a better outcome. Sorry for all the "what if's" I am also concerned about his mental state - they 2x his anti depressents but he is very low and just wants it over with. I am really the only person that has research so much and was not completly shocked by the large surgery he will now have to have. Thank you for your support and any advise you can give - Danielle